It started, like most of my worst ideas, with my neighbor Dave standing in my driveway holding a cardboard box that was making noise. “Before you say anything,” Dave said, “she’s very quiet during the day.” The box was not being quiet at that exact moment. The box was doing something between a cluck and ...
The storm knocked the power out at 7:14 in the evening, which we know precisely because our daughter had just asked, for the third time, how many more minutes until her show, and the television answered by dying mid sentence. For about ten seconds, the whole house was silent in that particular way a house ...
The bookshelf was supposed to take twenty minutes to assemble. This was printed on the box, in confident letters, right next to a smiling illustrated man holding a single hex key like it was the only tool a person could ever need. Three hours later, I had a bookshelf that leaned to the left with ...
Before Sam and I were married, before we even lived together, there was a night I have never quite let him live down, which involved a chicken, a smoke detector, and a fire extinguisher that, thankfully, we never actually had to use, though we did take it down off the wall, which in hindsight was ...
I want it on record that I did not start the group chat. My mother started the group chat, three years ago, to coordinate a single grocery run before Thanksgiving. It was called “Turkey Day Squad.” It has never been renamed. It now has eleven people in it, including my aunt’s second husband, who joined ...
There is a war in our house that has been going on since the week we moved in together, and it has never once been resolved, only paused. It is fought entirely over a small plastic box on the hallway wall, and the two sides are as follows. Me, who believes a home should feel ...
I failed my driving test the first time because of a mailbox. Not a person, not a curb, a mailbox, which did not move, was clearly marked, and had apparently been sitting in that exact spot since before I was born. I want to say it came out of nowhere. It did not come out ...
